Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Story 14 : Living on the verge coz i cant give a baby - Please Help.

Thanks for one of the reader who contributed. 
One day one of my friend opened up and told her story ......
In her words:
"When i got married, my parents gave good amount of dowry to in-laws and husband, they also bargained on a scooter and few more stuff in the last minute, My parents arranged for all that and finally marriage is over. I was working then (in India)and they were not very keen on my working, i was even ready to give up my job.
I was trying to get along with my mother-in-law, father-in-law and his sisters after marriage. In many occasions i could see they were not supportive at all. Before others they talking nicely and treat me well so other relatives think everything is fine and i would not know how to react.

I got pregnant, was then working in India - could not take care of myself well and was very weak whole time - in 6th month docters advised it is better to get aborted bcoz of medical concerns.  There was lot of pressure from in-laws and husband later for the baby and after that over 2 years my in-laws, husband did not let me visit my parents ....i could not go to my mothers place to visit even my father when he met with an accident. After few months i had severe stomach pain and had to go through medical examination, came to know that my tubes got infected during the abortion.
Now my husband does not know this and thinks it is only 1 tube that is not working, hoping that some day i can give him a baby - i was fearing if he knew both tubes were not working he would refuse to take me even to USA ( he was getting ready to leave to USA on work visa as software engineer). After coming to USA 2 more years passed, then also things did not change, husband was very unhappy that i am not able to give him a baby, we had quite bit of arguments on this issue.
What should i do? i am always at fear that my husband will leave me any time and scared to what if he wants to marry another woman bcoz i am not able to give him a baby? To go through any fertility programs and get some more medical support seem to be expensive for and to do that also i am financially dependent on my husband. I am okay even to adopt a kid and live happily with my husband inspite of issues with my in-laws but i fear to discuss with him the whole thing ...  please help me ....  "

Friday, May 7, 2010

Interview with Shah Peerally on Spousal Abuse.

Family Friend 101 is striving to bring smile in so many spouses and families all round the world. Thank you for all the readers and contributors. We believe that it is a good karma and we always get support for this.As a general extension to our effort, we are connecting some top lawyers and doctors in California to talk and write about the Family, Marriage Values and Ethical dilemmas in daily life.

Recently we met with Mr. Shah Peerally - top California's Immigration attorney - who has agreed to spend his valuable time with us. He shared some of the USA laws that can protect persons in spousal abuse and also different aspects of the marriage.

Hope this video is very informative and let the good karma prevail.

Mr.Shah Peerally can be contact at shah@peerallylaw.com.

Shah Peerally Law Group
37600 Central CT. Suite 201,
Newark CA 94560
Ph : (510) 742 5887

Monday, April 19, 2010

Story 13 : How can I choose between Parents and Wife ?

Ours is a very traditional south Indian family. I am a doctor and eldest son in my family. My second brother is in US and married. I got married 4 years back with a girl from middle class family. We are probably affluent in our community and it was also a traditional arranged marriage. We were very happy for the initial 2 years and we used to live along with my parents - this was by choice rather than my wife's compulsion.

I used to take my wife to at least 2 times in a year for vacation and my parents used to stay home. They always asked us to go for vacation and spend time for our selves. After 2 years, we planned for kids and my wife was with us till her "Baby Shower" in 7th month. After that i dropped her at her mother's home and i was eagerly waiting for the future baby.

In the 9th month of my wife's pregnancy she called me one day and said, "I am not going to come home. If you want to see the baby come to my home (her mother's)". I was completely shocked and did not have a clue what's happening. I asked her repeatedly what happens and if there are any problems. Once the baby is born, she told very strictly that my parents should not see the baby and if they come by chance, she will commit suicide. With this threaten, my parents also did not feel like coming and rather wishing that things should be fine.

Even after 3 months of the baby, my wife is still at her mom's home and she told me that she will NEVER ever want to stay with my parents. I have also talked to my parents to see if they were aware of any incidents that would stir my wife up. Knowing my parents, i can totally understand that they will never harass my wife and they always treated nicely. I asked the same questions to my wife and she does not let any thing out. She old says she does not want to live with my parents and her parents also support her without giving reasons.

By now, my son's 1st birthday is also over and my wife is still with her parents ans urging me to come back to her city. I have a decent position as a doctor in a corporate hospital and recently i got a promotion. At this stage, its extremely difficult for me to find another job in that city. I told her repeatedly that i will talk to my parents and change them if at all they did something. She never replies to me on that. Also, i told her that we would start a separate family and parents would live separately. She would not agree to that too. I am exhausted now and i should probably move to my wife's place. I am pretty confused if i should stay with my parents who are very old or should go to my wife and kid.