Monday, April 19, 2010

Story 13 : How can I choose between Parents and Wife ?

Ours is a very traditional south Indian family. I am a doctor and eldest son in my family. My second brother is in US and married. I got married 4 years back with a girl from middle class family. We are probably affluent in our community and it was also a traditional arranged marriage. We were very happy for the initial 2 years and we used to live along with my parents - this was by choice rather than my wife's compulsion.

I used to take my wife to at least 2 times in a year for vacation and my parents used to stay home. They always asked us to go for vacation and spend time for our selves. After 2 years, we planned for kids and my wife was with us till her "Baby Shower" in 7th month. After that i dropped her at her mother's home and i was eagerly waiting for the future baby.

In the 9th month of my wife's pregnancy she called me one day and said, "I am not going to come home. If you want to see the baby come to my home (her mother's)". I was completely shocked and did not have a clue what's happening. I asked her repeatedly what happens and if there are any problems. Once the baby is born, she told very strictly that my parents should not see the baby and if they come by chance, she will commit suicide. With this threaten, my parents also did not feel like coming and rather wishing that things should be fine.

Even after 3 months of the baby, my wife is still at her mom's home and she told me that she will NEVER ever want to stay with my parents. I have also talked to my parents to see if they were aware of any incidents that would stir my wife up. Knowing my parents, i can totally understand that they will never harass my wife and they always treated nicely. I asked the same questions to my wife and she does not let any thing out. She old says she does not want to live with my parents and her parents also support her without giving reasons.

By now, my son's 1st birthday is also over and my wife is still with her parents ans urging me to come back to her city. I have a decent position as a doctor in a corporate hospital and recently i got a promotion. At this stage, its extremely difficult for me to find another job in that city. I told her repeatedly that i will talk to my parents and change them if at all they did something. She never replies to me on that. Also, i told her that we would start a separate family and parents would live separately. She would not agree to that too. I am exhausted now and i should probably move to my wife's place. I am pretty confused if i should stay with my parents who are very old or should go to my wife and kid.

1 comment:

  1. Ya its easy to understand what you must be going through....
    Try Speaking to them individually.. I Know u have have tried to do it previously...
    but this time try to 'Empathize'.. listen to them without any preconceived notions... try to understand their individual stand.. People are most disturbed when their ego has taken a beating... i'm sure there would have been more than one instance where this would have happened, some times unknowingly as-well... leading to building up of cold war.. only if we could break this ice would we realize the full potential of this institution called 'Family'.
    Marital discords are common... but unless we know what the actual point of discord is.. to put it other long could u treat a patient empirically, without knowing the actual diagnosis..??
    Try to begin with your spouse... talk to her..if u can make her realize that if after 25 odd years of upbringing of her only son & he were to abandon her and simply walk away with another whom he hardly knew for 5 years would it be okay for her..?! She might be reluctant initially.. but if u could her believe that u are genuinely concerned about her and your child.. she might spell the beans... and this would be the starting point of your tiresome journey to Complete 'Your Family'