Monday, April 19, 2010

Story 13 : How can I choose between Parents and Wife ?

Ours is a very traditional south Indian family. I am a doctor and eldest son in my family. My second brother is in US and married. I got married 4 years back with a girl from middle class family. We are probably affluent in our community and it was also a traditional arranged marriage. We were very happy for the initial 2 years and we used to live along with my parents - this was by choice rather than my wife's compulsion.

I used to take my wife to at least 2 times in a year for vacation and my parents used to stay home. They always asked us to go for vacation and spend time for our selves. After 2 years, we planned for kids and my wife was with us till her "Baby Shower" in 7th month. After that i dropped her at her mother's home and i was eagerly waiting for the future baby.

In the 9th month of my wife's pregnancy she called me one day and said, "I am not going to come home. If you want to see the baby come to my home (her mother's)". I was completely shocked and did not have a clue what's happening. I asked her repeatedly what happens and if there are any problems. Once the baby is born, she told very strictly that my parents should not see the baby and if they come by chance, she will commit suicide. With this threaten, my parents also did not feel like coming and rather wishing that things should be fine.

Even after 3 months of the baby, my wife is still at her mom's home and she told me that she will NEVER ever want to stay with my parents. I have also talked to my parents to see if they were aware of any incidents that would stir my wife up. Knowing my parents, i can totally understand that they will never harass my wife and they always treated nicely. I asked the same questions to my wife and she does not let any thing out. She old says she does not want to live with my parents and her parents also support her without giving reasons.

By now, my son's 1st birthday is also over and my wife is still with her parents ans urging me to come back to her city. I have a decent position as a doctor in a corporate hospital and recently i got a promotion. At this stage, its extremely difficult for me to find another job in that city. I told her repeatedly that i will talk to my parents and change them if at all they did something. She never replies to me on that. Also, i told her that we would start a separate family and parents would live separately. She would not agree to that too. I am exhausted now and i should probably move to my wife's place. I am pretty confused if i should stay with my parents who are very old or should go to my wife and kid.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Story 12 : Why should i get punished for the things i can't control ?

I live in USA with my beautiful 2 year old girl and my husband. I work as a consultant in IT industry and my husband works as a full time employee. Till now, me, my husband are in good terms and i have no issues to bother.

Times have changed when i became pregnant few months back and i got to know its a baby girl. And my husband was like AGAIN ? My in-laws were furious on me. I don't know why ? I even offered them that i will get aborted if they don't like baby girl again. They don't let me choose to abort and they are not happy with the baby girl again.

I talked to my husband and he says he is not happy with the baby girl again and at the same time he poses infront of the people as though he is alright with it. All my friends say that your husband is so happy for the to-be-born baby girl. But, unfortunately i am not in a position to let my fear and frustration out to them. My husband and in-laws say that i am unlucky for them and not able to given them the "family heir". Am i the one supposed to be blamed for ? What can i do for a baby girl ?

I was supposed to go to India for few months before my pregnancy and now my husband says, "what's the need to go there". You only want to spend on your travel and on the baby girl. You can at least stay here and save those expenses. If you want, call your parents here and do a job.

Instead of feeling good about my pregnancy and 2 year old, i feel bad that i am a women now. I thought my husband is well educated and he would understand. But now i know that the education has nothing to with one's behavior and values. I feel terrible day-by-day and i want to let my frustration out some way or the other...

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Story 11 : Just for "ONE MORE BEDROOM" ........... ????

This story came from my uncle and this is for all the people who have built dreams of the so called great US. This is a classic example.
As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in software Engineer and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in  this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough  money to settle down in India.  My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only  asset   he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do some  thing more than him. I started feeling home sick and lonely as the time passed. I used to  call  home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at Macdonald's and pizzas  and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down. Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must  be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest  flight.  Was jubilant and was actually enjoying shopping for gifts for all my   friends back home. If  I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate. In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get any more holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA. My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week some times 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. 

Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their  grand-children.  Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then  suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India.  The next message I got was my parents were passed away and as there was no one to do the last rites the society members had done whatever they could.  I was depressed. My parents were passed away without seeing their grand children. After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to  return to the USA. My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and myself returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years. Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my  son was happy living in USA. I decided that I had enough and wound-up every  thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent two  bed  room flat in a well developed locality. Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode. Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I  too have the same nothing more.

I lost my parents and children for just "ONE EXTRA BEDROOM". Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking if  I am alright. Well at least they remember me. Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be   performing my last rites.