Thursday, February 11, 2010

Story 6 : Why does my marriage life gets afftected, if i dont get a Job ?

Another Story goes here...

I am in my late twenties and have been married for almost 5 yrs now. My married life has been great with no big issues till now, but on the other side my professional life is really down. I was working as a junior software engineer before marriage, but had to leave my job after marriage as we were moving to US. After coming to US, I was trying to get the working Visa but had no luck for 4yrs, somehow I was able to get thru all the H1 process and now I have a valid Visa but the Job market is really bad out there for my skills.

We did have to shed few hundreds of dollars for my H1 visa for all the lawyers fees and processing, but finally got the Visa. We also have been postponing having a baby as we feel we have to be settled in life first to have a baby. Now all the problems are starting from all the sides in my family and I am really getting frustrated. The main concern being my In-Laws, all this while I was thinking they love me and think me a part of their family but I realized I was wrong. From last couple of months I have been noticing my in-laws always talking about the amount of money we spent for my visa and training, and asking my husband directly “what is she doing now?  Is she preparing for the interviews? Is she making use of all the effort u that went in getting the visa processing and training or is it all for no good use?”  I know and understand they must be concern but then I feel there should be limit to the number of times they ask. Every time we talk to them the first thing they ask is about the money spent. I am more frustrated to answer their question about our baby. They started telling my husband that I may have some gynecological problem that I am not conceiving. My husband on the other side is a mamma’s boy and started asking me the same which actually made me cry. My mother-in-law started to compare me to my sister-in-laws (who are not working but have children), saying when they are able to manage why cant I and why do I keep spending money without any income.

I am not able to understand what I am supposed to do. How do I explain to my husband that we are quite not ready for the baby and I am trying my level best to get into a job? My husband stopped talking to me as before. Now a days the moment he comes from office the first thing he asks me is if I had any calls and what did I read, then he goes to gym, talks to his parents and is back to work again. He hardly spends time at dinner table and goes to sleep. I feel so helpless and lost here. I am not able to talk to my parents openly as they are far off and will definitely get worried, nor am I able to talk to my in-laws as they are not ready to listen to my plight.

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