Story 3 : History repeats - Be fair with parents - Part II

This post is continuation of the Part - 1. In the last post, you have seen how the poor Mother did service to both the Sons and Daughter-in-laws.

As we see in everyone's life, things turn around. You cant be energetic and healthy for long and all the time (Lucky if someone is). This mother at her 62nd year had slipped in the Bath room of Son2's house. She literally broke her leg and was hospitalized for 6 days. With a great difficulty, she has the signs of recovery and for some "UNKNOWN" reason this Mother was "SENT" to Son1's house after a week. The Daughter-in-law1 took care of her for a month and then they started moving her between the families every other month.

Till then, she could talk express her opinion and after 6 months she started walking again. All the while she was of course being kicked between the Sons families. The LOVE which Daughter-in-laws had on this Mother was gone. Now this poor Mother became a BURDEN to the families rather then LOVABLE Mother.

After few months Both Sons got together and cma to a decision that the Mother will be with each of them for 3 months in the rotation basis. Poor Mother again was happy that they decided to keep her (rather then sending her to old age home).

After an Year, this Mother developed weakness, (uncontrollable) diabetes and other symptoms. At the same time, REAL Unfortunately, this Mother had "Paralysis attack" and her Right Hand and Left Leg got effected. How can God (if you believe in him)  give her such sequence of bad events in her life. This time she had to take bed rest and can't move. Again after 4 months, she had another attach and her speech got effected. Currently (Feb 2010), she is around 70 years, on bed rest, can't talk, cant move and waiting for her death. Sometimes she cant recognize, can't cry when she sees her sisters and near people.

Following is the way Daughter-in-laws treated this poor Women and let her ready to Die.

• Both Daughter-in-laws felt it was a Burden on them to maintain her. They both started blaming each other for her condition. 
• Son1 and Daughter-in-Law1 would lock her in house (even in her current stage) and would go to Cinema, Pilgrimage, Friends place and Picnics. 
• Daughter-in-law2 is little better. However, she has competition with Daughter-in-law1 and does not want to serve her even an EXTRA day. They would calculate the exact 90 days of stay for the Mother. 
• For any reason of Bandh, Rain or Office work, if it was not possible to leave her at other Sons place, then they would calculate accodringly and adjust in next months. 
• Diabetic means that person needs proper amounts of food at regular time intervals. Both Daughter-in-laws had never cooked anything separate for her as it is a waste of time. They would prefer to watch a nice TV serial or a movie in that time. So, this poor Mother would get 2 slices of bread (this Mother sure needs some traditional Breakfast), lunch and Dinner. No one wants to know if wants to eat in-between and if she hungry at all.
• Other people come and go, but they never bother to introduce this poor Mother (in-law). She is given her "dungeon" and she is left her own.
• Daughter-in-law1 would not do any service to her but keeps a servant/nurse to take care of her. She never allows kids to go into that room as she calls that room as "Dirty and Sick". 
• The Daughter-in-laws would do hours and hours of prayers to GOD but would never serve their Mother(in-law) who is in NEED. What good is that Prayer for ? What good is that sort of God who asks them to pray and not serve their own people ? Even if God exists, he will definitely not appreciate this.
• When some of this Mother's sisters and relatives suggested them that "She many like the Old age home as she will have company and medicines will be given in time", Sons and Daughters retaliated and became angry on people who suggested. They said, we are taking care of this Mother nicely and there is no need to take her anywhere. The same people who suggested the Old age home also said that they would pay for the monthly expenses, but still no LUCK for this Mother.

And this list will go on to write all the things she underwent. Is it not so sad to read this. Don't you get angry on such Daughter-in-laws and SONs especially. Is it not sad that people talk about Values and they themselves don't care about their own parents. Is it not sad that we all inherit and ancient "Sanatana Dharma" and still act in an inhumanly.

Whats wrong : Unfortunately, these people can not be suggested anything. All the efforts of requesting, pleading and explaining the situation have gone in vein with these people. So, we would only want to see What's wrong and Request other Sons and Daughter-in-laws.

• You may all be thinking by now (or earlier) what the #%$^ are the Sons doing all while ? Yes, that's a decent question. But, these Sons have given up. When the Sons are asked about it, all the time they said only one thing, "We really really love our Mother; It's just that we are not in a positions to influence our wives to do something. We are not the ones who would take care of them from Morning to Evening when we are away to Work. If they don't have love and affection, we cant help it. We dont want to fight with them for life time".
• Well, there is only one problem here. The problem is Sons (80%)  and Daughter-in-laws (20%) and NOTHING ELSE. For any Son, soon after the marriage it becomes all the necessary to treat fairly - the parents from Both sides - Parents and In-laws. Some Sons seem to sway towards the In-laws so that they can impress the wife (No idea why this happens; But this happens).
• Sons don't give importance to their own Family Members. They think that they are too busy to communicate in their work. But in the mean while, Wife is developing a "feeling" that my Husband does not care about his own Parents. And now, such wives deduce that, "If my husband does not care his parents, then why should i care ?" and "If my husband does not respect his own family traditions and values, then why should i ?".
• Remember that by nature Women are better communicators than Men. So, even if you don't communicate on par with Women, Men should at least show (and have) respect towards his family. Wife MUST know in the initial years of marriage that you respect your family a lot. Of course, inversely, the same theory applies to Wife too.
• For some reason, if Wife is not interested in working with In-Laws, Son should continue to show LOVE and AFFECTION towards the parents. He should continue to Serve in whatever little time he has at home. He should encourage his kids to talk to Grand parents and play with them. Wife may not be willing or understand it initially,  But eventually she WILL. 
• When Son/Daughter-In-Law is living with In-laws, it is natural act that even In-laws will try to do some small work and help Son/Daughter-in-law in day-to-day work. Don't make it as a habit to push more work on them (As a Son, it's not difficult to identify it). Of course, we also see In-laws who are highly non-cooperative and become burden to everyone (But we are not talking about them in this case). 

Request for any Son and Daughter-in-Law :

• Women can MAKE a Family and BREAK a Family. Please treat your Parents and In-laws fairly. 
• As the Head of the family, sometimes Men need to take tough decisions. But as long as it is good for the family and will keep you all together, stand by it.
• For a Daughter-in-law when she is not in good terms with In-laws, please be nice with then AT LEAST when they are in bed. Most of families are affluent now and can affort a nurse or maid servent. You can definitely show some LOVE and give them MORAL SUPPORT.
• Please remember what would happen to you in YOUR OLD AGE. Time is not Stand still . You will soon reach their age before you even realize. 
• If you talk about VALUES, CULTURE and TRADITION to your kids; Then, please be an example for YOURSELF. They dont learn from thin air, they learn from YOU.

We are hoping and praying that any parent SHOULD not be in such situation.