Friday, March 26, 2010

Story 10 : What if you have an in-law who would not understand you ?

Humanity is to understand others and help in the right time. What i learned all the while is that the Humanity can only be Hoped and never can be Demanded. I am married for past 7 years and settled in California, USA. I have a daughter and son and i am a house wife by choice. I do not have any qualms about my husband but my mother-in-law makes my life pathetic. We have our daughter and son in a gap of 1 year and it is very very difficult to bring them up as they are half time with cold, fever and both needs the attention at the same time. My husband is a career oriented person and gave me the responsibility to raise kids. Well, i never have any issues at it.

In the past my mother-in-law had come here 3 times and stayed with us for 4 months in each visit. She has undergone the bypass surgery 10 years back and i understand that i have a responsibility to take care of my in-law. The first time when she came to USA to stay with us, i was very enthusiastically doing everything for her. I used to wake up in the morning 5.00am to do breakfast and i used to cook lunch too by 7.00am. My in-law likes to have everything ready as soon as she comes to the kitchen. She is not a kind of person who would help me in cooking too. She likes being taken care a LOT and PAMPERED to the greatest extent. I did everything she wanted during the first visit. I never complained and i always had thought that it is my basic responsibility. She somehow did not like me talking to my parents and brother and whenever i am on phone she used to call me for something or the other. For this too, i never complained as it is only few months she would stay. 

When I had my first daughter, i had to undergo C-Section and i was very positive that my in-law (she was here that time) would understand and help me a lot. But the things became painful this time. She expected me to take care of her in the same way i used to before. As i used to feed the baby all through the night, i used to sleep till 7.00am in the morning and that was not welcomed. My in-law says, "You don't need that rest. I had 4 kids and i never slept till 7.00am". The initial 2 weeks was kind of hell for me as i could not even walk properly due to stitches but she expects everything from me. She even used to tell my husband that, "I don't know whats happening to this age's women. They are turning too delicate. I never took as much rest as your wife". Certainly, my husband is in mid-way between me and his mother. 

# You don't cook many varieties. Your cooking is too bland. You don't cook nice. 
# My son works so hard. You are just at home and get tired by the end of day. I don't know whats happening to you.
# Cant you make at least 3 varieties for lunch. Is this what your mom taught you ?
# Now a days you are not taking care of me. Just because, i am not saying anything does not mean that you take advantage of me.
# I have taught all (english) letters to my kids by 2 years. You did not teach any thing. What are you doing the whole day.
# Can you come and massage me for 30 minutes (when i myself is having a high fever)
# You should do all things on auspicious days only. Don't you know about this ? But the reality is all the major decisions are taken by my husband and he does not listen to me. So, she rebukes me for my husbands action. (She is not ready to listen to me when i say, i did not take a decision or i was never asked.)
# She sees me that i am struggling with both the kids. For me the challenge is to take care of both the kids at the same time and giving attention. Both are mostly sick due to ear infections, fever, cold or influenzas. But for my in-law, this looks as though i am taking lot of rest and leisure. 
# In-law goes cranky at me that i am not feeding my kids properly and thats the reason kids are lean and sick. Come on, i am a mother and i am the one who is awake all the night when they are sick and am the one who cries. For sure, as a grand mother she will have interest. But excuse me, only after me.
# After going to India, she calls my husband and tells him that i don't care about her and i am not feeding my kids properly. She suggest him that i should do more variety food for my kids so that will eat. 

About are ONLY some of the things my in-law talks about. I would request, please and appeal to all in-laws not to do this to their daughter in-law. A in-law is also a daughter and daughter-in-law, please understand that. In the matter of past 3 years after kids, we never took even a single vacation. The idea is i am not trying to say that i did a great thing, but with this kind of attitude from in-law, you would loose interest in serving them and caring them. Now, i have a "careless" feeling and now i don't care whatever she thinks and whatever she does. I just see her as a old women whom i am serving with humanity. I do not have any love and i don't care what she does. I have taken this for 5 years and this is enough for me. 

Do you think i could have done better ? 

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