Story 1 : You should live independently and pay your bills.

A friend (Wife) got married to a greencard holder (Husband) in US. She got greencard after 2 years of her stay in US. All the while the husband (in US for 8 years) has been giving her all the hints that she MUST work and she should start living independently. Of course, the wife has no idea of what it means when husband says, "live independently". Once she got the greencard she worked in a testing job for an year or so. She became pregnant and then all (or more) the troubles started. He expects her to do all the usual work and other extra work.

Once she had her first baby, he insisted that the baby should be brought up with his grand parents (wife's parents) in India. He left the  6 month old baby along with the grand parents. Now, the other problem started. The wife has to start searching for the jobs. Unfortunately, she is on the QA/Testing line of software industry and it became very difficult to get jobs in this economy. Of course she has tried and still trying to get job and she is trying from past 14 months.

Each day seems to be a terrible day because he accuses her of "mediocre" and "less intellectual" and "dumb". Wife is well educated but mild (very mild). She cares about her parents, in-laws and husband too. However, husband has totally changed his Indian thinking to US thinking and says very funny things. Any small mistake will be not be tolerated and he would SAY something or the other. In front of her friends he is a "great guy", "friendly guy", "person with great values", etc... but for her, he is a Terror. 

Following are some of his expectations...

• Just by getting married, don't expect that i will do everything for you. You should learn to live.
• US is a very different country and should learn everything. It's not like what happens in your city.
• You should take up a job and earn for your self. You should be able to pay your own bills, at least. 
• During her Pregnancy - Why don't you call my friends home for lunch or dinner. You are always dull and lying on bed.
• During her Pregnancy - Why are you all the time dull. Some of my other colleagues in office (and who is pregnant) are so bubbly and enthusiastic.
• During some specific days when she has women problems - He says, why do you act as though you are the only women in this world. 
• I don't want to you to go out of home and i will never ask for that. I am only asking you to live independently.

She does not have the freedom of calling her parents. He tracks all her calls (of course, they have a family plan) and says why do you call and talk so long with your parents and sisters. Most days she thinks that there should be a "better tomorrow" and she should be able to "sleep better". She definitely cant say everything to her parents at the same time she can't keep it for herself. 

Some Suggestions : 

• She should attempt to educate husband on the several physical and psychological changes that women undergo. 
• It is definitely worth while to talk about "How she would like him to be". Without open communication, things seem to be have taken for granted. 
• There will definitely be some embarrassing moments and hot discussions. But she should start talking about the inconvenience and humiliation she is undergoing with husband. Sometimes, husband is ignorant of few things. Though this is a rare possibility, we can't rule it out. 
• She should increase her network of friends in US and India. While friends many not solve problems, they will definitely give you confidence. (Note : We definitely want friends who gives a better direction to us. And not the ones would suggest to break the relationship.)

We would like to hear your views and suggestions too.

About Us : Family Friend !

We have been closely watching and observing many families and friends. Very often we feel as though the world is filled with problems (of course, which is not true). We always had a keen eye on these problems, because we felt they could be solved (or at least an attempt) with some attitude change or by open communication or by proper education or by setting values and standards.

Ok, here is what we have seen. All the following are in the connotation of Indian Marriage and Family System. Many of these victims are living in India and abroad.

1. Domestic Violence
• Women are the victims
  
• Women treated as commodities rather than human beings
• Husband applies his corporate strategies on wife
• Increase in the verbal abuse of women at home
• No value for the Marriage System
• Influence of western ideas on Marriage and Family System
• No support system for women when they live abroad (or away from parents)
2. Family System
• Daughter-in-laws hate mother-in-laws
• Mother-in-laws hate daughter-in-laws
• Daughter-in-laws don't like sister-in-laws
• Sister-in-laws don't like Daughter-in-laws
• Once they get married, "some women" think husband as personal property
• Husbands don't interact with girl's family
• Family members don't mix as they think "we think differently"
• Old age parents are undergoing distress and restraining from life
3. Marriage System (some husbands say...)
• I love my wife not because of marriage but because she is a manager in reputed company
• Just by getting married, you wont develop love on wife
• Giving food, clothing and basic necessities for Wife and Children is a burden
• My wife needs to prove me that she is of substance before i love her
• You pay your phone bill and i pay mine
• You go in your car and i go in my car
• Your kids and My kids are playing with Our kids
• I am the one who is earning and you have to listen to me
• If you can't listen to me, get out of my home
• Because you are not earning, you have to listen to me
4. and the list goes on and on...

That said, we are starting this BLOG and FACEBOOK to write storyboards on some of the stories that we know of. As a third person, we would like to give few suggestions and also see what other valued and experienced people have to say. We dont want to be bias and we dont want to be oriented.

Why Storyboarding : We want to write the "REAL LIFE" stories in an "Ananymous" tone so that people read the stories and know

• How to combat a particular situation
• What others say about a situation
• Empathize with others

We believe this would help others to understnad that they are not alone. We are also talking to few lawers and see if there is some legal advise they they can offer for this "CAUSE". Many times it is very helpful to know the legal rights to boost confidence in others.

Your contribution: We don't have a future without your support. This is the truth :). We need your contributions of stories from your family and friends. The only thing that we need is to follow some rules on posting. Please help your fellow human being

What are the rules: Following is what we believe in and follow.

• All posts are strictly ananimous. We are sure that you dont want to be called by your names in the stories. So, please apply to others too.
• Posts do not contain names and specific places. You can mention Country names.
• All the Suggestions and Advise MUST reflect the Indian Family and Marriage Values. They should elicit the values but not degrade them.
  
• Any posts and comments that degrade the values will be ruthlessly deleted.
• For the sake of Anonimity we have enabled the anonimous comments in blogspot.

So, what's the future: We want to work with someone who is Human Activist or Domestic Violence Activist or a strong supporter of Indian Family System. As we grow, we are ready to work with some social organizations and provide help for the needy. We want to provide the Moral Support and Confidence about their lives.

What should you do: Please go to Blogspot/Facebook and start reading and spreading the word. Each and every blog can be forwarded from blogger to friends that you think would be interested in.

Blogspot :  http://familyfriend101.blogspot.com/
Email :         familyfriendly101@gmail.com
Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/familyfriend101